Vice's and Vice Captains
by Stuff3
Summary: The more the two captains sat there and talked about it, the more they started to come to the same conclusion; none of them were really ever that productive.
1. The price of command

If you had to ask Isane-which not many did-the benefits to being tall would be an ironically short list. You can reach things higher than others can yes, and while she did like to help out where ever she could, sometimes she wondered what it would have to be like to stand on a chair to reach something. She hoped she wasn't being petty.

Others said she could see both better and farther due to a height advantage.

Also not true.

If she could she wouldn't be actively tripping over ever crack in the Seretei- not for lack of trying. And as of now there were a lot.

The Quincy sure we're a violent people.

Then again this captains coat didn't help her at all. At first she had to get used to it so she would often(still) trip over it. Not that she was ungrateful or anything like that. She was very proud to wear this coat just like her old ..Captain Unohana.

But she was trained well by her old captain and had since taken her place. She first started running the division as lieutenant as usual, but once she managed to get Bankai everything changed for the better. Her sister was the lieutenant now which definitely made things easier; at first she was dreading who would become her lieutenant. But that didn't make everything easier. The transition seemed easy enough and it was necessary, but there was still a lot to get used to.

She was the head of an entire division, had to go to routine captain's meetings which you couldn't sit down like at the lieutenants meetings, deal with serious injuries, balance the squad budget, do annual physical exams which her old Captain used to really like to do ("Cough please"). There was always so much to do it was a little hard to keep track of it all. Luckily she had a jar of sweets in her office where she would have some candy whenever she got too stressed out.

Her big duty today was a "Secret Meeting". The Head Captain had requested her personally. She couldn't let the Soul Society down not with everything that's gone on and happened. She would deal with that right after her current, informal one on one captain's meetings.

"What seems to be the problem Captain Hitsugaya?"

The little captain was propped up chair opposite of her. He was violently shaking his blender bottle in his right hand. He had certainly filled out these past few years. He had grown a little taller, his build more muscular, and she thought she could even see the formation of whiskers on his chin.

He took in a deep breathe "Well..Captain I don't exactly know how to describe it" he let out a tired breathe. He looked defeated, like he succumbed to whatever had taken ahold of him "I don't know who else to ask and I thought you being well- apart of the medical division might be bale to help" he sounded so helpless. Well Isane was going to help him. Any way she could.

"What is it?" she asked concerned. She probably sounded like an overprotective mother. "You can tell me" she pleaded.

His eyes darted around the room uncomfortably and he shook the bottle a little faster "Well it's weird. One day everything was fine, normal. Then the next day everything just.." he waved his arms "changed"

She nodded "In what way?"

He shuffled in his seat nervously "Thoughts"

Isane's face tightened "Thoughts?" he nodded uncomfortably "What kind of-"

"It's like I share a office with Rangiku and she bends over to pick something off the floor. Can't remember what the fuck it was" he raised his voice on the curse which startled Isane but he kept going "And one of her tits just slips out of her robe.. and I didn't look away or say anything I just kept staring" Isane's face started to redden, but the Captain of the Tenth Division had more to tell. "She does yoga right there in the office in tight, tight spandes which leaves nothing to the imagination.. and I just stop what I'm doing to just watch-just blank out completely. Then she comes out of the shower and she uses **my** towel" he emphasized the point to her "and it doesn't cover a damn thing." Isane had become more uncomfortable the longer he rambled. She was covering her mouth with her hands. How was she supposed to tell him this was only natural, a part of growing up "I'm running in and out of the bathro-"

"Alright!" Isane blurted out. She couldn't take any more of this. "Well- I-uh" she stammered and cleared her throat while he looked at her blissfully. As she collected herself he pulled out a tin can, opened it and stuffed it's contents in his lower lip. "Given your condition- that is your condition is nothing out of the ordinary. Many people have them-these urges" he raised an eyebrow. "You just need to find an outlet that's all"

It seemed like he already had far too many of those.

"Cool" he said hopping off the chair "Thanks for the help" he said.

"Alright that's it. You've got a clean bill of health" she said happily to the young captain "Lollipop?" She said offering him it which he dreaded thinking it was watermelon. He looked at it in disgust. "Listen I have to go" she stood up shakily and dusted off her coat "There's something I have to do today and won't be able to do tomorrow" Toshiro stood there dead pan staring at her "so I have to-get ready and need to g-go right now" she said backing away out of her office. Holding the door open she waited for Toshiro who shuffled awkwardly out. Closing the door behind him she then made her way out of the barracks. Not without problems of course; some eleventh division members were harassing some of the nurses and she had to deal with that. She didn't have the commanding presence her predecessor had so that was also a hassle. Something she really should not have to deal with. The lieutenant of squad eleven was surprising helpful in scarring them off, but he instantly asked her took look at a minor wound on his bare chest. She referred him to her sister which he didn't seem to like. Despite that little road block she thought it would be alright if she made a little detour to a chocolate shop to pick up some sweets. Nothing wrong with a little treats now and then right?

Then no more slacking off. She was a captain now and she had something important to do and somewhere important to be!

She rounded a corner but as soon as she did collided with something- or rather someone. She stood petrified in her place as someone's head was lodged between her breasts before retreating out and tripping over himself.

"Oh Hisagi, I'm sorry" she reached down to help him up.

He shook his head as she bent over to help him up only to give him a perfect view to look down her shirt.

"Uh. yeah.. thanks" he said with a red face, taking her hand and she helped him up. She looked around nervously to notice all the other papers lying on the floor.

"You dropped all that"

"Yeah. I know" he said annoyed, bending over to pick them up. Something Isane did as well only when she did she accidentally knocked they're heads together.

"Oohs sorry" she said rubbing his head and he did as well.

"Nah. don't worry about it" he grumbled. She the continued to help him as best she could, often grabbing something before he could due to longer reach. As she helped she couldn't help but hear a muttered cruse from his direction and a scowl adorned on his usual calm face.

"You seem in a good mood" she said hoping to brighten his day, though he sounded far from it.

"My...captain wants me to print all this, but the printers crapped out so I gotta do 'em all by hand"

"Sounds daunting"

"I think it's slave labor. Then the super duper lieutenant" h said in a mocking voice "comes in and kicks em all over the office and then I gotta start over. I don't even know what she does around here" he began venting to Isane. "I thought everything was gonna change when I.." he stopped leaving her in suspense.

"When you what?"

"When I got bankai" he admitted bashfully.

"A lieutenant with Bankai is still impressive"

"Not when you don't get to use it". Somehow he made it sound like it was her fault he was stuck in this predicament. Which to a sense it was, but she said she was sorry for bumping into him. And it wasn't her fault they hired a 'newish' captain for his divison. But Isane had a high opinion of Shuhei so she knew everything would work out well for him. But for her she had somewhere to be. She was late enough as it is.

Across the Seretei struggling with similar problems was a new and fellow Captain. The former Lieutenant of Squad 7 was now it's captain and with no lieutenant of his own it was up to him to lead his division. A task he often found daunting just as he did now as he tried to peer over his desk.

His hands reaching over it he signed with very poor handwriting the notice before him. He then picked it up and looked at it.

"Damn it!" He cursed. Not only did he sign it in the middle of the page but at the very bottom it said in big bold words that any idiot could read "DO NOT SIGN"

But he couldn't undo the damage now.

He put it to the side and reached for another paper that needed his attention, though he was having a hard time reaching it. Not because it was too far away, but because the desk was so big it was a struggle to even see what was on it.

But for all the hassle it gave him he decided to keep it because it was his captains. That and the chair while very comfortable was very oversized for someone like him.

"Captain" the third seat knocked at the door.

"Hm? What is it?"

"You have a visitor sir" he announced "Third Seat Lemura of Squad 4"

"Ah of course!" the captain pounded on the table "Send 'em on in" he waved though all his underling could see was a shaky fist.

The unseated offer left and was replaced by Third Seat Lemura who greeted his friend with a strong, firm, manly handshake.

"Nice to see you, very nice.. You just mind if-" before he even asked if they could relocate somehere more accomidating Iba agreed and they went to the old lieutenants room. "You haven't made any changes?" Lemura asked

"Been too damn busy" Iba said as he took a seat behind his old desk "but if things keep going my way maybe you'll be sitting behind this desk"

Lemura's face beamed "You think so?!"

"I damn well know so. I'm short on staff here. It's just me doin' all the work. I need someone who can help share the load. Someone I have an already good working relationship would make sense to me" Lemura nodded eagerly.

"You think I'm qualified enough?"

"You were practically the lieutenant when Isane got promoted. I was shocked you didn't get it over there." A sour look came over Lemura's face.

"Don't remind me" he grumbled then cleared his throat "Now I don't doubt Lieutenant Kotetsu's qualifications for the rank. Her sister I mean not the Captain" he made his statement perfectly clear even though Iba already knew "In fact had she been promoted to any other division I'd understand it. It's just that-well you know," he stammered and Iba took this time to pull out and light a fresh cigarette "the fourth is a very specific division with specific skills. And If I had lost out to anyone" he raised a fist "from within the division I would have accepted that. But then she comes along and she's-"

"Your superior officer" Iba finished.

"The captains sister" Lemura said instead.

Afew awkward moments of silence past between the two as only smoke moved around the room. Lemura then found his voice.

"It's just-" he coughed through the smoke as Iba put his out only to instantly light another "I think this has given me some clarity. Maybe it's time to try something new. Go somewhere different and if some one like you, a captain says I'm qualified I would say that paints a pretty clear picture and.."

He trailed off some more before Iba found time to speak "Well usually with that you fill out a certain form which" he motion ones around the room with his hands as smoke followed "as you guessed I don't have, but when I do I'll fill one out" he rubbed his chin "Maybe I'll ask your captain at the next meeting. Seems like she's got some laying around" he laughed and Lemura chuckled with him.

It was then at that point that the third seat came back in.

"Excuse me sir, you told me to remind you sir. It's almost time for the captains meeting" Iba looked puzzled and looked to the clock.

He stretched his arms and yawned "Oh after five already? Fancy that" he picked himself up and bid goodbye to his friend before proceeded to walk out of the door and his barracks, but not before giving a sharp whistle and having Goro his Captains old dog chase after and accompany him.

Walking down the streets of the soul society all lower ranking members gave way as he passed, giving him a respectful greeting and he returned one back. This all happened until he crossed paths with someone of equal ranking.

"Captain Iba" Byakuya greeted

"Captain Kuchki. How are you neighbor?"

"Just fine." he responded indifferently. Iba then turned to some one with a more friendly demeanor; his lieutenant

"Renji, how have you been?" he firmly shook his hand.

"Just fine, thanks. Helping run the sixth division." something he's been doing for years "What are you doing?"

"Running the seventh." he responded "Wondering when they'll send me someone like you to help me out"

"Well good luck. There aren't many like me" Renji boasted confidently. Iba nodded, but could think of a few just like him. Afterall Renji had been a lieutenant far longer than Iba, even when he didn't have Bankai and there were still some vacant captains positions.

"Any idea what it's about today?" he asked

"A course I do im a Captain after all" there was to be a big announcement today, but what it was wasn't specified. With ten years of peace, rain falling could be a big announcement as far as he was concerned.

"Thats right, your playing with the big boys now" Renji slapped him on the back. But Iba quickly tensed up and looked back to see if there was a hand print on it; he didn't want it getting ruined by his dirty inferior hands. "And since your a Captain.." Renji paused for a moment "Why not get one of these in your size"

Iba was quiet for a few moments before he answered "It was my Captains" he admitted somberly.

Renji's eyes started to dodge around; that was clearly a topic he wished he had avoided, probably because he had no spine.

"Well that's not so bad if that's the worst thing you had to deal with" Iba had previously told him otherwise, but he was clearly eager to change the subject. "Rukia's been freaking out these past few days. Says her captains exam is coming up and she's nervous as all hell"

"It's far from anything to stress about" Iba shrugged recalling his own. Sure the head captain was there, but he'd pass you so long as you had a pulse.. or tits. Captain Rose, Kuchiki and Hitsugaya were his observers.

Renji eyed him envoisly after that statement "Yeah I guess you'd know afterall" he then seemed to have an epiphany "Say maybe you'll be her proctor?" he blurted out. Iba raised an eyebrow, now trying to dodge the topic; he was sworn to secrecy on the subject.

"Nothing's come down the pipe on my end" he said calmly.

"Well if it does you know you better pass her" Renji said now stepping rather close to Iba, squaring off with him "Or maybe I'll have to get involved in it". Was he threatening him? That was just cute.

Iba let out a smirk "I think you forgot to say "sir'"

A shiver went down Renji's spine and he sheepishly backed off him. Iba nodded off to the distance "Yer captain's getting away". Renji's eyes bugged open and he turned around and without looking where he was going ran off to catch up with Byakuya. Iba shook his head "Dumbass" he muttered

He lit another cigarette and placed it in his mouth and took a long calming drag from it "She has never liked me" he announced to no one but anyone who would listen "Someday I'm gonna write a book about this place"

He made a point to watch where he was going; last week had bumped into Yushiro Shihoin. Accidentally of course, but Soi Fon started freaking the fuck out on him the moment it happened. Before he knew it they're swords were drawn and the little boy was crying and pleading for it to stop. Luckily he had no such dilemmas today..yet.

He arrived to see Head Captain Kyoraku sitting down having s drink. He imagined things like this got a lot less formal with the change in command. He then noticed the other captains present. Captain Isane was seated yet still high above the rest and he moved to sit down to her left.. until he saw who was sitting there.

Soi Fon glaring at him still clearly pissed off about what happened a week ago. Sidestepping from her he went to put Isane in between them. Grabbing a seat and moving from being seated between the two and moving it to all the way in the corner.

"I don't think you can do that." Isane spoke up nervously "It's breaking regulations"

"Fine by me" the head captain shrugged and Iba took his spot in the corner. Shunsui took a relaxing sip of whatever was in the bottle before him. Iba assumed something alcoholic, Isane assumed water, Soi fon didn't care.

Iba then dragged a match across the floor and lit his cigarette with it. Isane looked like she was going to say something, but thought against it. He saw Soi fon glare at him from across the room, but there was shit she could do if the Head Captain didn't say anything first.

"What's say we get started" Shunshui said before taking another sit. Iba quickly finished his smoke in one quick drag, took it out of his mouth and leaned over to flick it at Soi fon. Isane grew more nervous sitting between them and the Head Captain took no notice.

"Aaahh" he let out peacefully. He then turned to the door. "You can come in now" Shunsui called out while looking down his empty cup.

Shuffling was heard from behind the closed door. The three captains leaned in with anticipation. Then the noise stopped and the door opened to reveal the potential candidate; Rukia Kuchiki.

She looked jittery. Her eyes dashed around the room. From the Head captain, to him, Isane, that other bitch, back to the head captain then him again. She fiddled with the sword in her hand and nearly tripped coming in.

"Oh god" Iba groaned. This was gonna be a long day.

The exam continued on through stutters and stammers from her and brief inputs from the captains; Iba had been lighting up cigarettes throughout. At it's climax she showed them her Bankai which going by all the other's Iba had seen didn't seem that impressive. Isane however, clapped upon seeing it.

Then with all said and done The Head Captain gave his approval.

"There are big shoes you have to fill" he said with melancholy mixed with booze in his voice and a hand on her shoulder. "I hope your up to it".

"Ive waited so many years for it" she said with tears in her eyes

"Alright" Shunsui nodded "I'm going to go tell him of your promotion. He's out of a job now you know" He then took his leave and Rukia gleefully followed him, once again almost tripping on her way out. Soi Fon in a dignified and rigid way excused herself without so much as a good bye to her fellow Captains. As his own goodbye Iba kicked a leg out and tripped her as she walked by.

"Watch that floor, it comes up on ya" he said dryly.

With the room's occupants now cut in half all that was left were two of the most recent captains. Isane sat with perfect posture while Iba slumped next to her, a freshly lit cigarette in his mouth.

'Do we just leave like that' she wondered. She had only stayed because Iba had. She looked him over and he seemed very much comfortable where he was. So she made herself just as so. She sat rigidly in her seat and cleared her throat.

"So you seem to like those things" Only his eyes rolled in her direction.

He blew out some smoke "Been smokin' em for years. Be a waste of time and money to stop now" Isane nodded in agreement only she really didn't.

"Well you know they're not that good for you" she leaned over to him. "They're full of-" he turned his head to look at her fully now "Eh never mind" she backed down.

He took a deep drag before blowing a smoke ring around her face "We all have our little problems" he said before popping it back into his mouth.

"Problems?" she squeaked through the smoke.

"Vices if you will. We've only just begun our tenures as captains. We have to adjust, but it's even more stressful given the condition of the Seretei. There's never been anything like what we just went through and now we're at the top" she wasn't sure if he made perfect sense or was rambling but she listened to each word intently. "So what if I smoke?" She was about to answer before he kept going making her realize it was rhetorical "helps ease the stress. Relaxes me. You gotta have one too"

"A what?"

"A vice. Something to take the load off" Isane blushed her mind immidelty going to what she had hidden in the bottom drawer in her desk. Her mind quickly tried to think of something else.

"I-uh-I-I sneak a few chocolates ever now and then bits had work, but I think I deserve it"

"There ya go" he puffed "it only makes sense you'd get the promotion. There's no better healer in the Soul Society after Unohana" Isane was a bit uncomfortable when he brought that up "Sorry" he said taking notice "I know what that's like"

"Well.. To be honest I never thought if be captain. I never even thought is make Lieutenant. But I like the fourth. It was easy to take control of things. Was it easy at the seventh?" he nodded "Your mother must have been proud"

He smirked maliciously "They all laughed at me, all those rapid retards they all thought they were better than me. Ikkaku, Yumuchika"

"Because you were a captain?" he shook his head " A Lieutenant? That sounds better than why they don't like squad 4"

"Oh yeah they're so prestigious over there" he mocked "When I left that squad they looked down on me just cause I had ambition, because I strived for something. Look at me now and where are they?" he paused and once again Isane tried to answer, but he did for her "right where I left them". Now it seemed strange that he was the critical one, looking down on all of them. But certainly he couldn't think that of all his former peers right?

"I saw Hisgai on my way over"

Iba scoffed "He's such a herb"

"Herb?". His mouth gaped open as he collected his words.

"No different than the others-and speaking of others" He blew another calm ring "Did Ikkaku come by yet?"

"Lieutenant Madarame?" Isane asked formally. Iba nodded resting his head on one of his hands "He's quite the troubled patient. I mean he fights an awful lot and I keep telling him he could do some serious permanent damage, but even then he's in my office and personally treated by me at least three times a week"

Iba grinned and the smoke he blew took the form of a toothy smile "That's all curtesy a' me"

"You?!" Isane shouted and Iba nodded peacefully. "I shouldn't have to deal with that!" she said an octane high than what Iba thought she was capable of.

"Your right" he said apologizing "But he came up to me askin' for a fight and I obliged him. He ask you anything yet?"

"Like what?" she blinked cluelessly.

Truth is Ikkaku only wanted to be put into the fourth division to try to 'get inside it's captain' as he politely put it. But he didn't want to seem weak so he asked his friend, the new Captain of the 7th Division to put him there. Iba was happy to oblige. But it seems he'll have to give him a few pointers as well.

"Nothing." he shrugged "He's just an dog following his master"

The more and more she heard IBa speak of his friends and fellow soul reapers she started to think he had a biased cynical perspective on things. Even if he did bring up a few decent points, he do it a lot nicer.

"Well.. do you think Rukia has that potential?"

"Not particularly" he said even after just examining her.

"What? Why not? She's got Bankai, has been in her division her entire time here just like you and I and... "

"That's it?" she nodded "Well" he lit a fresh cigarette to accompany the other one "There are four people who had Bankai before you and I" he waved his hand in the space between them. Renji, Hisgai, Rukia, but she knew all of that. Even Ikkaku whose Bankai was the worst kept secret in all of the Seretei. "And there were four vacant captain positions at the end of the war" Squads 4, 7, 8 and 13 once the others were revived that it. "Naturally you think they'd all get first picks right?"

Isane nodded even though she knew none of them received that promotion

"Well they didn't, save Rukia" he shrugged an acknowledgement "and even that took ten years"

"So your saying?"

He leaned in uncomfortably close to her face "Whaddya think I'm saying?"

She shifted uncomfortably from his gaze. She thought long and hard even though he made it seem so clear. Eventually she thought she found an answer; she just wish she could have worded it nicer "They're..." she cleared her throat "not as good as us"

"That's right"


	2. The Upstarts

What a beautiful day in the Soul Society. In fact every day was a beautiful fantastic day! That is if you asked the new 'Super Duper Special lieutenant of Squad 2'; Yushiro Shihoin.  
Gleefully he skipped down the roads of the Soul Society careful to avoid any cracks in the stones. He didn't want to break his mothers back. Slinking around cracks however, put him in the path of his fellow lieutenants. His back brushed up against one of they're legs, frantically jumping away one he felt contact. His head hung low, he backed off like a scared animal from them.

"Who was that?" asked Kira.

"It's only that runt Yushiro" Hisgai said dismissively.

"The one that replaced Omadea?"

"Replaced?" Hisgai laughed "Yeah sure, if that's what were calling it" he shrugged. Once the two frightening individuals were out of sight Yushiro returned to his happy glowing demeanor and skipped back to his barracks.

Squad 2; it was good to be back. He had returned safely from his mission and was ready to report to the Captain herself. A basket in his hand with everything she asked him to retrieve. Nothing left to do now, but deliver it straight to her. And since he was inside the barracks there was no way anything would go wrong... that was until he tripped over his own feet, fell over and through a table breaking it clean in two. A dark shadow quickly overtook him on the floor and he looked up to see the man he replaced; the former lieutenant of Squad 2 looming over him.  
Yushiro naturally shook in fear at the sight of such an overwhelming man.

"HEY! What did you do?!" he roared. Yushiro curled up into a ball on the floor, tears starting to form in his eyes as he cowered on the floor. Now Omaeda took up so much space that Yushiro and possibly Omadea himself didn't notice someone else sneak up behind them.

Omadea continued his tirade until a small hand softly landed on his shoulder. Turning around his face turned pure white when he saw Captain Soi fon glaring at him.

"C-C-captin" he seemed to shrink in size the moment he laid eyes on her. "You see what happened w-as"

It was in that moment that the Captain of Squad 2 completely and utterly destroyed the former lieutenant, both physically and verbally. Yushiro was so shocked at the display that he covered his eyes and he cowered on the floor; he dare not even peak through his fingers.

Then in a flash everything was quiet and he looked up to see Omaeda running off with only his captain standing over him. Meekly he picked himself up.

"C-captain" he mumbled to her back and she looked at him over her shoulder.

With Omaeda out of the way Soi fon turned to Yuhsiro. Picking himself up to his full height she was still only a little bit taller than him. Still shocked from the confrontation with his predecessor he could only imagine what his captain would say. Some times he felt so stupid.

"S-Sorry captain. A-about the table. I know it costs a lot, but it was an accident and I'll pay for it with my own-" She put a hand up to stop him.

"Don't worry about it. We cry about people not things" Everyone else in the room looked around at the uncharacteristic comment form they're captain.

"But mister Omadea, he seemed pretty angry abou-"

"Don't waste so much of your thoughts on him" he spat "he's fat, lazy, stupid, unattractive, greedy and an all around ineffective lieutenant. That's why you replaced him; because your everything he's not. And the only thing that matters" she put her hands on his cheeks "Is that your okay". She looked over the sniffling boy. Noticing some smudge on his forehead she licked her thumb before wiping it off "There much better right?"

With a scrunched up face he rapidly nodded his head. A small smile forming on her face she leaned in and placed a deep wet kiss on his forehand. He stood there just as he had this entire time, but every one else in the room was completely dumbfounded. No matter how many times they saw this unfold it never got any easier to sit through. Soi fon eventually found the strength to pull away "Much better now though right?. Yushiro nodded his head much in a way he had before.

He held up the basket he had been sent to retrieve "I got what you requested" he sniffled.

Soi fon blushed and put her hands on her cheeks "Oh you got something for me?" she gasped "Oh your so thoughtful" she pinched his cheek. Yushiro was a little confused. She had asked him to get this stuff. It was part of his duties as the 'New Super Duper Special Awesome Lieutenant'; a title which seemed to get longer each time it was brought up.

She took the basket from him; the contents of which he had already forgotten.

"Here" she said shuffling through her pockets and she held her hand out to him "Have some spending money" he looked at the hefty pile of bills in her hand. Each one containing a lot of zero's.

"Wow!" he exclaimed taking it in his hands "I got a raise" the third this week if he was keeping track "I must be a really good lieutenant." he now looked up to his captain "Is there anything else you need me to do captain?"

"Weeellll..." she hid behind the basket he just gave her "you wanna go see a movie?" he stared back at her clueless "...or you can just hang out and do whatever you want"

"Yes ma'am" he saluted. Without a moment to spare he turned around and bounded for the couch, planted himself comfortably between the cushions and found a nice funny movie to watch on TV. And there he sat happily on the couch for the next few hours, blissfully unaware of the world around him. Some came by to clean up the table he had broken, others  
But then he noticed something that genuinely caught his attention. Walking throughout the barracks as if he owned(and paid for) the place was Omaeda. Everyone made way for him which Yushiro understood since he was such an imposing figure. But what really concerned him is what they called him.

"Lieutenant"

The sound of that made his ears perk up since he was the acting lieutenant. Only his had a longer name. Kinda like squad 9.  
He picked himself up and waddled over to his predecessor. Catching up to him he lightly tugged onto his sleeve.

"Hey" he stopped and began to turn "What's the big id-" he stopped once he saw who it was. A mix if fury, violent rage, and utter fear all went through him at once. "What do you want?" he fumed.

Yushiro looked brightly up to the fuming figure "Well I just wanted to know-" he stopped only now remembering his manners, but deciding not to reprimand him for not addressing his superior officer "Well first I just wanted to apologize about your table. I didn't mean to break it" he smiled at that smile seemed to change the way the mood of his fellow squad mate.  
He now gritted his teeth in only anger.

"Don't worry about it" he said through a clenched jaw.

"Oh good. Glad we could put that behind us" Yushiro bounced up and down "Now we can go back to being friends" Omaeda put his hand on his sword "But I just wanna know. How come every one's calling you lieutenant?" He stopped short of pulling it out. A puzzled look came across his face "I'm the lieutenant." He didn't get an answer immediately. The larger man took his hand off his sword and crossed his arms. He scratched his chin pondering what to tell him.  
Luckily for him Yushiro already knew the answer. At least he thought he did. "I guess it's just cause you were the liueteant for so long. Old habits die hard huh?"

"No. That's not it"

Yushiro's face dropped. "Huh?" he let out. "Whadda mean"

"What I mean is" Omaeda explained as he picked his nose "Is that they call me lieutenant because I actually do all the lieutenants work"

"Hm? But I do all that!"

Omaeda chuckled darkly "No you don't" Yushiro repeated his statement, but Omaeda rebuffed him again. "Alright then tell me. what do you do?"

Yuhsiro pondered for a moment, but once he organized the list of things he was responsible for he knew he had won this arguement "I follow the captain's orders" he said happily. He looked up to Omaeda who only smacked his lips in response. Yushiro shrunk a little in his place. "Is that all?"

"We all to that" he retorted "Wanna know what I do?". the young boy nodded. "I follow the Captina's order, Lead the Patrol Corps, make sure the dungeons are full and secure, cooperate with Squad 9 on security, train new recruits, go to the lieutenants meetings, organize and execute stealth missions" he listed them all out on his fingers; Yushiro quickly loosing track of all of them and noticed they were a lot more than he did "Do my paperwork, do the captain's paperwork" he stopped when he noticed Yushiro was having trouble keeping track of all of those on his own fingers and had gone to counting on his toes "I think that more than proves my point"

"B-b-but-" Yushiro stammered. Omaeda put a hand up to silence him.

"Look this is the new status quo now. I get it" he let out a defeated sigh "Your the lieutenant in name. I'm it in action. So long as nothing happens to you, nothing's gonna happen to me"

"But Captain Soi fon said I'm-"

"Just keep comparing our lists and tell me which of us is more suited" . That one truly stumped Yushiro and as he stood there trying once again to count all his fingers and toes in relation to his duties Omadea left him standing there.

It was quite a while before he realized he was gone.

If he wanted to get to the bottom of this he would have to consult an expert. Now he considered Captain Soi fon an expert, but he needed an outside opinion. Someone outside his division. Some one like... another lieutenant. He could ask one of them, or even all of them, but he just needed some clarification. And he knew where to go. To a division where the lieutenant was no doubt well respected and cemented in his duties.

In Squad Six Renji stood over his desk flipping through some of the paperwork. His daughter happily swinging her legs off his desk.

"Daddy can I ask you something?" she asked turning around to him.

"Yes my angel" he droned as he filed papers.

"Why do all the other lieutenants call you names?" Renji was admittedly puzzled by this. He didn't know they still called him 'Pineapple', but he certainly wasn't against it.

"Oh sweetie it's just a little joke. Just some banter between friends"

"Ohh" she nodded her head in sweet understanding "So your not really mommy's bitch" Reni's jaw dropped.

"What?!"

"I've heard everyone say how your mommy's bitch because you've had Bankai longer and she got promoted first"

"Well-I uh-I. The thing is sweetie" he tried explain the situation to his sweet wide eyed and very impressionable daughter. But when he couldn't come up with an answer he quickly changed the topic "Who says that anyway?"

"The other lieutenants. The Captains say so too. Mommy agrees with them"

"Are you-" a sudden knock at the door moved Renji's source of anger elsewhere "WHAT?!"

The door opened to reveal the 'lieutenant' of squad two shaking in his boots as he fragilely opened the door.

"I' m s-s-sorry" he mumbled "Did I disturb you?"

Renji gritted his teeth "No. Not at all. What can I do for you?" Yushiro slunk into the room, careful to close the door behind him and wipe his feet before coming in.

"Daddy" she turned to her father "Everyone says he's just an up jumped little shi-" before she could say another word Renji took her in his arms and covered her mouth. But muffled words could still be made out if you listened hard enough.

"Well Leutenant I was just wondering.." he rolled his fingers over each other as he looked at the ground "while each division is different in it's duties and functions " he paused nervously trying to collect his words "there's got to be some underlying foundation where they're all similar" he started to drag this out and Renji was becoming-even more- annoyed with that. "we've all got things we do. Some of them have to be similar"  
"Get to the plug!" he screamed  
"What do you do as a lieutenant?!"

Renji faltered in place even as his daughter rambled on under his hands.

"What?" he asked dumbfounded. The question being repeated only seemed to startle him more. "Well..." he paused and regained his composure. Even taking his hand off his daughter's mouth to scratch his head "As a lieutenant your charged with following the captains orders. Taking command if his or she isn't present." Yushiro stood there silently nodding to every thing he listed off. And the more he heard, the more he realized...he didn't do any of those things in Squad 2.  
Before the two of them could continue they're conversation some one else decided to interject and throw in they're own opinion.

"HEY!" they all turned to see Soi fon standing in the doorway. "What's going on here?!"

"Captain Soi fon" Renji greeted her "Well ma'am Yuhsiro here was just asking me-" before he could even rationally explain the situation she was practically on top of him screaming.

"Listen you worthless piece of shit!" Renji covered Ichika's ears. Yuhsiro took the time to cover his own. In the silence he could see his captain talk down very aggressively to Squad Six's liuetant. His daughter found the whole thing to be very amusing.  
Then in a flash Soi fon turned away from Renji, jumped off the desk and took Yushiro's hand . "Were leaving" was all she said.  
She dragged him out of the office and through the Sixth Division barracks. Bulldozing thourgh several members who got in her way, and even some who didn't.  
That was until someone approached her that she couldn't respond with violence..immdietly.

"What's going on here?" Byakua asked coldly.

"Go die!" Soi fon responded with Yushiro at her side and half of squad Six on the ground behind them. For Yushiro; the bystander in glaring contest between his captain and Captain Kuchiki, he made only a simple observation.

"Hey I memebr you!" he pointed to Byakuya who only now acknowledged him. "You used to take baths with my sister"

At that provocation Byakuya turned an uncharacteristic bright red and turned away from these intruders.

"Good job" Soi fon said to him before she pushed her way out of the rest of the division. "Idiots! every single one of them!" she said aloud once they exited the division and began making they're way back home.

"Captain you didn't have to yell at him like that, you know " Yushiro said meekly from behind.

"Yes I did" she said instantly

"I was just asking him what makes a good lieutenant. Cause all the things he said are things I don't do" Soi fon stopped and looked back to him.

"Well..." she paused sounding a little frantic "you see... Squad two has specific duties assigned to it. Squad Six does not"

Yushiro scratched his head. That seemed to make sense. "But lieutenant Abarai-"

"Don't listen to him" she snapped. There were an awful lot of people he shouldn't be listening to "He's dumb, worthless, has no ambition and has been a lieutenant for far too long." that actually sounded to Yushiro like he was the perfect person to ask "Why don't you think he ever got promoted to captain?"

Yuhsiro pondered that question and all the things used to describe his fellow lieutenant "Well Captain.. I guess you have a point."

"Of course I have a point" she spat with venom before her voice turned sweet as honey "you on the other hand are full of blossoming potential and will no doubt become a Captain one day. Perhaps even Captain-Commander "

Yushiro's eyes lit up in wonder "Wow! Really?!"

She nodded "Now come on" she said slowly reaching her hand up to touch his "You can walk me home" her fingers locked on his. She then lead the way back to the squad 2 barracks. "And when we get back...you can give me a bath" Yushiro suddenly stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the street. The reminder of his duties as a lieutenant brought back that earlier feeling on inadequacy and curiosity. Soi fon turned frantically back to him "Or a foot rub. I'm easy" she shrugged.

Yuhsiro stood there dumbfounded in the street. He had to get away from his Captain and continue on his self appointed mission. And he needed to go somewhere else. A specialized division like his own. He know knew exactly where to go; how to get away was an entirely different matter.

"There's some lotion over at the fourth division. I could go and get that" His captain visibly started to turn red. Before she could even give him permission to go he had run off. He didn't have all day after all.

Taking in everything his fellow officers had told him that day Yuhsrio went to Squad 4 under a ruse. He knew it was wrong of him to do it, but he had to get to the bottom of this. He thought it was a good use of his skills sets anyway; deception.

The fourth division was pretty busy, but he tried his best to stay out of the way.  
Dipping and diving past and under the nurses-who's skirts have gotten shorter it seemed- he looked for his equivalent in the fourth division. But he seemed to be finding every one else, but they're lieutenant. The eight seat, both third seats, the Captain and even a member of squad eleven.

"So I was just wonderin'" he heard the Eleventh Division's lieutenant say to the Fourth division's Captain "how bout when your all done here we go out for some drinks. Just keep the blood on though-"

"I'm performing OPEN HEART SURGERY YOU ASSHOLE!" she screamed before cracking him across the face. And as that towering figure began falling down towards him Yushuiro ran the other way- right into someone else.

"Ooff-aww" they're heads knocked into each other and they fell to the floor. Shaking his head he looked up to see her doing the same. He also took time to notice the lieutenants badge on her arm.

"Hey your the lieutenant!" he exclaimed pointing in her direction.

"Yeah I am" she said rubbing her head before looking him over "Who are you?"

"Well I'm the lieutenant of squad 2.. I think" he said as she helped him up. Standing at full height he realized she wasn't all that much bigger than he saw.

"Oh well when did you get promoted"

That was a serious question he had to answer "Recently.. sort of" he shrugged

"Oh well I'll look for you at the next meeting" she smiled and he smiled back. "Well what can I do for you?"

"Well.." Yushiro rubbed his head

"Is your head still hurting?"

"Wha-no no" he waved as she moved in to touch him- if his captain was around she probably wouldn't like that "I was just wondering well.. since I'm new to the position-what is it. What do you do here"

She blinked a few times to try and make sure she understood what he was asking. Shouldn't he know?

"Well that's easy!" she said slapping him a little too hard on the shoulder. She then began listing all of her duties and privileges off to him. Some of them were new to him since this division was specialized, but when she started listing off things that both Renji and Omaeda had told him he got a little concerned.  
At the end of it Kiyone let out a breathe. She needed one after listing all that out to him. "So.. does that about answer your question?"

"Yeah.. " he said more than a little unnerved. "I guess" he brought a hand up to wipe a tear from his eye. Guess everything they said about him was true. "Have a nice day" he said glumly before turning away form her.

"See you at the next lieutenants meeting. I'll save you a seat" she waved after him. But that did little to raise his spirits.

The walk back to his barracks felt longer than usual, but it gave him a lot of time to think. He knew exactly what he had to do now.  
He had finally made it back to his division and headed straight for his Captain's office. This was going to be hard on all of them, but in his eyes it had to be done.  
He found his captain in her stateroom. She was laying on her desk with a trail of rose pedals were leading right to her.

"There you are" she sucked on her finger. "I've been waiting a long, long time for this" she sat up "Come and get me" she licked her lips.

He was oblivious of her advances.

"Captain we need to talk" he said bluntly.

"I'm done with talking" she spat "Your sister was all talk too. Don't be like her"

Yushiro raised an eyebrow "Wait? What?" In a flash Soi fon had ripped his shirt off.  
He was quick to over his chest and hide his indecency.

"Captain I've been thinking and I-" she covered his mouth

"Don't ruin this moment. Savor it" she breathed heavily her face inches from his. He managed to tear himself away.

"Captain I'm thinking about transferring to another division"

Soi fon's eyes bugged open "What?" she asked sharply

"I've been thinking about it a lot recently" Today "And I think I might be of better use somewhere else. Squad 13 has no lieutenant and they need all the help they can get"

"No you can't leave!"

"But I don't do anything as lieutenant. All I do is eat, sleep, play games. I wanna help people. I want to help Squad two".  
Moving even faster than before Soi fon ran back to her desk.

"Here" she snatched a paper from and held it out to him "This needs the lieutenant's signature"  
Ecstatic Yushiro picked up a pen and was prepared to neatly signed his name. That was until he noticed something. Or rather the lack of.

"Uh Captain" he looked up to her "this says it only needs your signature"  
Soi fon looked at the sheet and then handed it back to him. This time covering the 'Captain's signature' with her thumb.

"Sign right here"

"Oh boy!" he let out and legibly signed his name. It felt good to contribute. Looks like he was here to stay.


End file.
